Handy I am not or Adventures with Gorilla Glue

As you might remember on Friday night I told the roommate she had better get me the rent or get her shit out, well she did neither so yesterday I changed the locks on my door, not that it really matters because my door is already jacked up. I could just try and tell you but this being a blog and all I'll show you. Brilliant idea, eh?




If you can't tell what my less than stellar photoshop skills are trying to point out is the door jam? Frame? The bit where the door actually closes into is all kinds of busted, funny story behind that. One night I came home piss drunk and my girlfriend at the time had locked me out. She was upset that I had gone out with my friends. Since I didn't drive I didn't think to bring my keys. That was one of the last times I made that mistake. So I banged on the door and she told me I could sleep on the deck. I told her to open the door, she told me to fuck off. I told her if she didn't open it I was gonna kick it in, she laughed and said yeah, right. I then got huffy and said I would really do it, she didn't believe me. I told her to stand back I was gonna kick it in, she told me if I did that she would kick my drunk ass. It was my turn to say yeah right. I changed tactics at that point and tried to sweet talk my way back on the house, she wasn't having it so I went back to the kicking in the door idea. She went back to the threatening to kick my ass idea, we were at an impasse. I did the only thing a girl can do when her girl locks her out and refuses to let her in, I kicked the damn door in. It seemed logical at the time. To this day I still think it was worth all the bitching and trying to figure out how to fix the damn thing just to see the look on her face. She was shocked, truth be told, I was shocked, didn't think it would be that easy to kick in a door. I felt so bad ass. For about 2 minutes then she looked at me, called me a a fucking moron and went to bed. She didn't talk to me for 2 days. I slept on the couch that night because I couldn't get the door to close. The next day I spent half the day nailing the piece I had broke off back onto the door but it had never been the same since.

One week after my roommate moved in, she broke the door at 3am in the morning. I made her renail it enough to at least close for the rest of the night and the next day she put even more nails into the damn thing. Well yesterday I bought a new lock since i hadn't heard from her and didn't want her coming in here while I was at work and cleaning me out. I quickly realized that changing the locks really wouldn't matter if all she had to do was push on it hard enough to pull out the nails. That's when I got my great idea, and I say that with a bit of sarcasm.

When I was at the hardware store getting a new lock I also grabbed a thing of Gorilla Glue. Allow me to just pause the story here to make an observation about myself. I was at the hardware store, which is suppose to be the natural habitat for a boi like me, and I had no freaking clue what 90% of the shit there does or is for. I am seriously lacking in the handywoman skills department. I did buy a book that is suppose to show you how to fix and or do everything from electrical to installing a new toilet to fixing a clogged dishwasher, but I found it lacking in the ex-roommate proofing the door you kicked in 2 years ago department. Feeling very boi-ish and pumped from my trip to Home Depot, I set about finally fixing the damn door and changing the lock. First I pried the broken wood bit away from the main door bit and just oozed the Gorilla glue into the resulting space. Word of warning, that shit is worse than crazy glue once it dries, I am not fooling around and neither is this glue. I have a toothpick I was using to keep the glue in the crack that I had to break off the floor where I set it down when I pounded the wood bit and nails back into the main door part. I think it took me longer to get the frickin toothpick off the floor than it did to fix the door part. Once that was done I quickly took off the old doorknob and replaced it with the new one I had just bought.




Yay me!! I'm not sure if it will hold if she's all extra determined to get in but hopefully it will work enough to make her think twice about trying to force the door open. What I could really use is a really fierce dog that would attack anyone who came busting through my door but I guess that wouldn't work if it was a former roommate because than the dog would already know said roommate. What I need is a friend to just hang out at my house during the day, like a housesitter but just during the day. Can you tell I have major issues due to being robbed before from my former ex? Lucky told me if I was that paranoid about it I should just spend the hundred bucks it would cost to just fix the whole freaking door frame. I have hope that maybe the book I bought will show me how to do it and that I suddenly develop handyboi type skills over night. You can't expect me to be great with my hands with EVERYTHING, they're quite good for other things.