We've Been Had

Everyday we are inundated with images, songs, movies, TV Shows and every other form of media imaginable that sells the idea of love. We've grown up with this completely unattainable idea of what love is. It started from the happily ever after storybooks and Disney movies, continued through the movies Say Anything and most of the John Hughes oeuvre. We are all awash in sappy love songs that speak of emotions so intense that we all have been brainwashed to believe that is what true love feels like. Or rather, should feel like. Chick flicks are really only created to feed into this common misconception so much so that no one will ever be able to live up to the idea of what we have love should be.

We think that love should, and can, conquer all, that it can move mountains and heal deep seeded issues. We have been lead to believe that if you just love enough all will work out and there will be a happily ever after. With expectations that high how anyone does find love amazes me. Perhaps, deep down, we all feel like we are just settling and are never truly satisfied. So we are doomed to be forever searching for our Lloyd Dobler, Seth (Nick Cages Angel in City of Angels who gave up eternity to be with a mortal woman he had only seen but never talked to), Westley (or the Dread Pirate Roberts), Idgie Threadgood or any other impossibly romantic hero type that does anything and everything to be with the one they love.

Most girls grow up wanting to be that object of affection, so you can imagine how that tends to make for an interesting dynamic when you're a girl who dates other girls. For me it's like part of me wants to be the hero and the other part thinks it would be really cool if for once I didn't have to buy the flowers. But I'm getting slightly off track here. The point is, I don't think love like that can exist. Everyoen wants to feel special, like no one else has ever felt the way we do about someone but the truth of the matter is, love is pretty common, there are many degrees of love but I don't think earth shattering, mountain moving, eternity giving up love exists. If it did, all these crazy chick flicks wouldn't be making millions at the box office, sappy love songs wouldn't be played so much on the radio and crappy romance novels wouldn't be out selling most other types of books. We would all be too busy experiencing it.

I do believe in love but I think it's more sedate. Of course you get that rush at first but after the spark of infatuation is gone, love is what's left if you are still together. It's the comfort in the silences that you don't feel the need to fill, it's looking at that person and knowing that they want to be there with you. With infatuation you can't wait to have sex on every surface in your house. With love, I think it's more, you can't wait to get new furniture together. Infatuation can be mistaken for love because it is an intense feeling but it shouldn't be the stuff that long term potential is measured against. Being able to be with someone and completely comfortable is real love, not whether or not that person would give up eternal life to be with you.

I think we all just need to re-evaluate our concept of what love is because if you can find someone who will put up with all your quirks and you are willing to do the same, if you both are considerate and repectful of each other, isn't that really worth hanging on to? It might not eb the stuff of Hollywood movies but really what is?