The Harsh Light of Day

Today has been one of those days when there is a ton of things to do but I really don't feel like doing them. I kind of just do a couple things here and there but ultimately only very few things get finished. I did get the new lock for the door, I just haven't put it on yet. I did get half the dishes done and a couple loads of laundry but not my work clothes, which is the most important thing to get done seeing as I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Lucky and I talked for like 6 hours yesterday, she's great but there are a few problems:

1. I don't want a relationship and she's the relationship type
2. She lives 2 hours away
3. She's going to Grad school and will have ZERO spare time very soon here
4. I have other things to concentrate on before I can concentrate on another person
5. The timing is just off and that sucks
6. We just met and already we can't stop thinking about each other, maybe it's just the newness factor
7. I still have someone else on my mind
8. She just got out of a 3 year relationship at the beginning of the summer
9. She's bisexual (ok I know I might get some shit for this one but the only time I have ever gotten seriously hurt was when I got involved with Bisexual girls.)
10. I have issues, like abandonment issues, attention issues, issues that make a long distance relationship shaky at best, fucking insane at worst.

Yes I know we just met on Friday night but she's the one who brought up the whole talk. I was perfectly happy to just flirt on the phone and see what happened, but Lucky, it turns out, is a practical girl. She was quite, um, upfront about it all. She was like, I know there is a strong attraction to each other here but before either of us get any deeper we should talk about a few things. 6 hours later we decided that we'll talk and maybe if there's time hang out on the weekends here and there but to expect anything more from this at this time is just asking for it to fail. I have to admire a girl who is forward thinking and um, blunt. She didn't waste anytime, I guess that's cool. I haven't met anyone in a long time who was more logical than me. What can I really say to that? Well I could say it sucks that it has to be like this. I could say that everything in life really does come down to timing and mine sucks worse than anyone's I know. I could say, fuck the reason and logic. I could say any of that and more but I just found myself agreeing.

I have learned a few things in my almost 30 years in this world and one of them is no matter how logical or illogical it all seems, you still can't help how you feel. Maybe I would have pursued it a bit more and had some objects to her valid points, like maybe I would have found some great counterpoints but to be honest, it's not fair. The reason it's not fair is because as great as she is, she wasn't my first thought this morning when I woke up. I don't want to say I'm jaded but maybe I am a little. I know I'm being overtly cautious. I know I still think about someone else, a lot more than I have reason to. I know that I'm not up to putting myself out there again, yet. This is one of those things that no matter how much I think about it, no matter how many different what if's and scenarios I play over and over in my head, the reality of it will end up being something I never imagined, so why waste the time thinking about it? Only time will tell what will happen.

As a side note, we talked for another 4 hours today... maybe thats why I haven't gotten much done? Nah, I'm just feeling lazy and dreading having to go back to work.