Note to Self

Dear Me,

I know you think you're the shit and all that but I hate to break it to you, at some point it just gets old, like you. Please for the love of Bob and all things warm and fuzzy in the world think about things before you do them.

Like what the fuck is the deal with taking in all types of transients and hoodlums? If these people couldn't pay rent at their current place of residence what makes you think they will with you? And really, do you have to give them chance after chance just because you feel bad for them? If they don't have the rent the first month chances are they aren't gonna have it any other month so why let this go on for months at a time and act grateful for the small amounts they do give you here and there? I know, you only make nice so they don't cut you in your sleep or rob you blind when you're at work and they are home all day because they don't work. Here's a thought, if you have to worry about that shit, you really shouldnt' let them live with you to begin with. As far as the rent goes, if they don't pay, fuck them, they gots to go, this isn't a flop house, you are not independantly wealthy and it's not your problem. Your house is not the wayward, down on their luck homeless lesbian shelter. You are not a non-for-profit! No one is paying your way and would anyone let yu live with them for free and feed you on top of it? No, this is a harsh world and I know somewhere you have picked up that hippy play it forward shit but cut it out! If I had to guess you picked this shit up from watching way too much Mr. Rogers as a kid. That dude had a whole fucking kingdom freeloading off him for over 22 years! There is no magic trolley, sweetie. You have to get your ass up and go to work every fucking day so why should you support roommates who think they don't have to? You're not even fucking them, so really what are you getting out of it? If you're that lonely buy a fucking puppy.

Going out every weekend and getting piss drunk with your friends is getting older than that 8 track player your (my) dad has in the garage. You are almost 30 years old, act like it. Get some fucking hobbies that don't involve any of the following: random hook ups in bathrooms, wondering who the fucks bed you're in, mysterious bruises, hosing down the deck after you or one of your fucked up friends spewed all over it, asking hot strangers if they want a drink, a pounding headache the next day. And speaking of drinking, why in Bob's name do you seem to think you can do shots of tequila all night like you're some frat boy? And the beer bong has got to go. Pass it down to one of your brothers, they're 21 and more suited for that type of activity. The only thing that you accomplish when you drink like that is making an ass of yourself, yet again at the bar and nursing one hell of a hang over the next day. I can only speak for myself, which is you as well, when I say laying on the couch all Saturday feeling like shit is not fun at all. I'm not saying never go out anymore but for fucks sake show a little moderation and add a little variety to life. The clubs are not the only option for Friday night. I don't mean to shock you but I promise you there are other things to do. I bet you can even find other people to do them with that you'll remember the next day. Branch out a bit.

I don't want to hurt your feelings on this next one but would it fucking kill you to actually clean your fucking house? Like not just doing a couple little things here and there. No, I'm talking about getting your ass off the computer and really cleaning the whole house, the dust in this place is killing my fucking allergies. When you have to really look to see if it's the cat or a dust bunny it's time to do something. You are not a rebellious teenager anymore, being a slob isn't a cute endearing quality, it's just pathetic and screams lazy. Cute, endearing slobs are only in movies, real people do not find mile high piles of dirty laundry cute. Take some pride, this is your place so act like it. Take care of all the shit you have worked your ass off to have. Oh and as an aside, clean some of the shit out, I mean really do you need 2 deep fryers, 3 slow cookers, and a quesida (however that's spelled) maker that has only seen the light of day once? And ok everyone gets it, you're a cool trendy Dj, do you really need to have all the lights, equipment and shit all over the house? Don't even get me started on all the Buffy shit either.

I love you, probably more than anyone else ever will except for The Boy, but let's try and go about things a bit more intelligently as we are about to start this next decade, ok? Thanks.

Love Always,
Me