August 1st D-Day

Alright, I have been crazy busy the last few days between the band stuff, DJing a private party earlier tonight and life. I still haven't even gotten everything ready for vacation but that's still a week away so I have a little time left. Oh I did find time to get a haircut, so that's good because it was looking quite moppy, is that a word even? Oh well it is now. I'll post pics later, I got some good ones this weekend. Oh and I went and saw Clerks 2, I brought a friend who had never seen the original. Now she says we have to see it together. It was GREAT, though I am a Kevin Smith freak. I was laughing my ass off in the theatre, it was good so everyone should go see it.

Alright, so what this post is really about is August 1st, D-day. I am quitting smoking. I have the patches already bought, the nicotine Mint gum is ready and I am mentally prepared. My friend, Carrie is quitting with me so we can give each other moral support. I can do this and I am going to do this. I am sicka nd tired of waking up and coughing like an old man, I am tired of being out of shape because I smoke so much I get short winded too quick. I am ready for a change and this is the birthday present I am giving myself. I'm going to be 30, the big 3-0 on the 27th of Aug and I'm freaking out.

I've tried to quit before but I was such a raging bitch that my girlfriend at the time went out, bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, threw them at me and told me to just have a freaking cigarette and chill out. I was going it cold turkey that time. This time I know that I can't be a bitch so I got the patch, I got the gum, I have these quit smoking relaxation cd's, I am ready. I'm not doing it for anyone but myself, I told my roommate as of Aug. 1st no more smoking in the house, I'm putting away all the ashtrays and such. Now this is no small thing, I'm not the occassional smoker who only has one or two when they drink, no no, I smoke a pack and a half a day. thats 40 cigarettes a day. Oi, no wonder my lungs feel like they are on fire at times, they probably are.

And I have the whole weight gain thing all figured out, I'm just gonna eat a lot of celery and carrots. Once I can actually breath then I'm going to start going to the gym. As it is right now, I'd have a freakign heart attack if I over did it. I think turning 30 has made me realize that if I don't do something this is the body I'm gonna be stuck with and all the bitching and moaning in the world won't change that, I have to change it.

So right now is my time to be selfish. I can't be worried about why someone doesn't talk to me anymore, or if I've done something wrong. I can't worry about whether or not anyone wants to be with me. or loves me, or thinks about me, or even misses me because right now I have to put all my time and energy into myself and getting me to where I want to be. I have a 5 year plan all figured out and I'm ok if I have to do it alone because at least I know I have been true to myself, which is why I am doing this. I want to be healthy and strong - mind, body and soul.