I don't know why I always pick the chick fighters. I would like to think it's because I'm all about girl power and all that but I think the truth lies closer to the fact I find it incredibly hilarious that they have these gargantuan boobies and barely any kind of outfits on. And the moves they have some of these girls make! Sonya has this move in Mortal Combat Deception where she does this scissor kick thing but ends up with her cooch in the face of her opponent, snapping his neck. Funny, I don't see any of the guys with moves like that. Now Kitana can do some bad ass things with her fans, but when all is said and done, she has freaking fans compared to the big ass sword SubZero got, or the crazy Freddy Krueger-esque Blades Baraka has.
She picked her weapon of choice, Scorpion, because she's wicked with that hook and pull move of his. Kitana is my bitch, even if she only has weakass fans. It was time to kick some roomie ass.
ROUND ONE.....FIGHT!
It seemed like she was barely trying. I was slicing her shit up with those fans like no ones business and had her down to only a fourth of her health, hahaha. Mortal Combat is my game, I'll make anyone my bitch and beg for mercy. I noticed she was pushing buttons like mad, I thought she was in the middle of panicking and was trying anything to stop the major ass whipping that her guy was taking. She got me on a lucky combo and knocked my girl down, then as I was getting up she tried that hook "Get Over HERE" shit but I saw it coming and easily dodge it. Her guy then did this crazy flame thing and burnt my ass up, ok ok, another lucky hit. So I went in for the kill. I went to flip her guy and then do a roundhouse but then she pulls out this badass flame attack that took my health from almost full to halfway down. What was that about?? I looked over and she just gave me this shit eating, a grin that started a faint sliver of doubt in my head about the outcome of this little match I had been so sure of moments ago. A quick 4 hit combo and Kitana was beat! Wait what?? I was winning what the hell was going on here?
ROUND 2...... FIGHT!
It was on, the kid gloves were off and I was pulling out every combo I knew but she was blocking them! I was starting to sweat, yes sweat, fuck this was beyond glistening. I was trying to slice her guy with my fans but she seemed to know exactly what I was gonna do and had a counter all ready. Before I knew it she had whooped my ass proper. Not content with just being a good sport about it all she had to get up and dance around the livingroom, celebrating her victory.
Ok that was it, time to get my guy, SubZero. Oh hells yeah, no one can beat me with SubZero. Many had tried, all had failed.
ROUND 1....FIGHT!
She was still using Scorpion and was all over me like a cheap polyester suit, but I iced her ass and delivered a fierce uppercut that her little virtual killer would still be feeling next week. Then I unleashed a branch style combo that there was no way she was getting away from. The round was over and I had barely a scratch on me. Now that will teach her to get all uppity on me. She made a "humphf" kinda sound and stared straight at the TV. I mean while felt the need to shout quite loudly, "Now who's a bitch?" Now to be fair, she started the shit talking, I was just reacting to her overtly excited reaction to kicking my ass last match.
ROUND 2.....FIGHT!
I turned my hat around because it was kill time. I was gonna hit her with a combo she couldn't get out of and then do my oh so cool fatality move. That was the plan at least until she start pulling all these specials on me that I could avoid. I would try to ice her and she was already flaming my ass. I went to give her another uppercut, she hooked my ass and punched my guy halfway across the screen. I was getting up when she pulled the shit again and then before I knew it the round was over. OH HELL NO!! This was unacceptable.
ROUND 3....FIGHT!
Last round, last chance, my reputation was on the line. I couldn't believe it had come to this, a third, tie breaker round. What was that about?? I iced her right off but then I made a fatal flaw, I left myself open for the shadow kick and she kept doing it, over and over. I could only angrily mash at the button trying to break the combo but it was too late. I could only watch in awe and horror as she unleashed this mega 15 hit combo on my ass and I saw the dreaded words:
NO!!! NO!!! FUCK!!!! NOOOOOO!!!! DAMMIT!
The Bitch burned me up, crisper than bacon. Disclaimer: the above pic os not of my guy actually getting killed by her because I couldn't find an image of that, googol let me down. But it is pretty damn close to what happened to SubZero. So of course my roomie being the mature person she is has to do a freakin victory lap around the livingroom and be all like, "IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!". Then after calming down a bit she offers up "It's only because I have been playing this all day everyday for the last two weeks, I have nothing else to do all day." Have I mentioned my roommate doesn't work? Yeah, so doesn't she has all the time in the day to play video games.I decided that being a good sport was only the classy thing to do, so I said to her, "Right on, but while you can only sit here and play video games all day and night, I'm going to the bar because I'm not unemployed and broke. " And off to the bar I did go but that's a post all on it's own.
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